Random musings between breast feedings

• If the phone is going to ring or someone is going to come to the door, it's going to be when I have a greasy Lansinoh boob in one hand and a crying infant in the other.

• How is it that the baby is ready to breastfeed at the exact same moment that my husband is ready to serve me the dinner he made all by himself?

• Explosive poos happen (1) during and/or immediately after a diaper change; (2) during and/or immediately after a bath; (3) or when I've stupidly left the house without a diaper bag.

• Babies have the freakin' loudest farts and bowel movements EVER!

• I am SOOOO over spending more than 15 seconds dressing my baby in cute clothes. Just give me something that'll keep the poop in and I'm happy. I don't even care if it's blue with tractors all over it.

• Newborns will give the most amazing smiles. Even though I know they're not real smiles, that they're probably the result of gas, a part of me will still believe that she gazed into my eyes and smiled at me because of me.

• I hope Raina isn't traumatized forever and likes me again sometime soon.
  

• Next to teaching my dog to sneeze on command, losing 40 pounds in 7 days is my biggest accomplishment in life.

• I am quite sick of answering the question "Did you have gestational diabetes???" every time someone hears about Phoebe's 11 lb 11 oz birth weight. Seriously, no, I didn't AND it's none of your business!

• Just like with Raina, I can't bring myself to say that Phoebe was "born."

Time to feed again. In an hour's stretch of time, I can feed this thing 4 times. FOUR times.

I hope to blog about my "birth" experience soon. My mother is visiting for a week here pretty soon...I hope to have more free time then :)

I think my va-jay-jay is saying "Whew!"

Crude, I know. But hey, it's the truth. When I decided that I was going to do whatever it took to have this baby naturally, I decided that as a dictator who was not at all concerned about how other body parts involved would feel. Now that I've been sentenced to another c-section, I can sense some parties going on that this dictator is not invited to.

So yah, another c-sec.

It all started Monday when I had to go in for a biophysical profile (basically a detailed ultrasound to check on how the baby was faring in my post-due date uterus). All in all, she was doing great, said the tech. Her heart rate was ideal, blood flow was good, and I had plenty of amniotic fluid. Raina was with me at the time, sitting in a chair by my side as well as can be expected of a 2-y-o, so needless to say, I wasn't paying 100% attention to the screen...but I did notice that the tech kept going back and forth between the baby and a data screen. Then she starts asking me questions like how big was Raina (8 lb 7 oz), how my sugar test went (fine, I passed), how big was Raina (um, 8 lb 7 oz), how had my blood pressure been (okay, only high when I had to bring Raina to the office with me), how big was Raina (seriously lady, 8lb 7 oz)...and then I finally caught on and realized that these weren't "normal" questions. So I asked "Why? What do you see?!?" Her reply, "Well, I've done the measurements about 3 times and I see an 11-pound baby." She even showed me that if she took away the largest 2 measurements of the 3, she still came out with an 11-pounder. A part of me knew my fate was sealed at that very moment. Unless I could bribe her to fix the numbers, my journey towards a natural birth was OVER.

Here's my thought on ultrasounds...they're great for certain things. I have no doubt they have saved many babies and moms. However, they are not all-knowing, ESPECIALLY when it comes to size. The ultrasound peeps will tell you they could be off a half-pound either way. OBs will generally say maybe a pound. Talk to a mom, though, and I've found that most have close to a 2-pound discrepancy story in their repertoire. I do...Raina was predicted to be 10 pounds and she was (say it with me) 8 lb 7 oz.

Let's fast-forward to today. I had an appointment with my midwife. The internal exam showed absolutely no change with my cervix...closed as can be. Because he delivers at Magee, he needs the support of the docs there. He told me that he had to talk to one of the high-risk doctors about my case before we could decide how to proceed, mainly meaning whether we could attempt an induction. Though I clung to the hope that he put out there for me to grasp onto, I knew what the outcome would be. C'mon, now...a high-risk OB looking at an almost 34-y-o woman who wants a V-BAC two full weeks past her due date with a cervix that's temporarily closed for business and an 11-pounder waiting to get stuck?!? Yah, right.

I got home to find a message from the midwife saying he talked to the OB. I called him back and was told that the OB said no way in hell, that he would be "driven out of town" if he even thought of attempting an induction on me. HOWEVER, if I go into labor on my own between now and Friday a.m., they'll support my midwife in attempting a natural delivery. C-section is scheduled for this Friday at noon.

So.

I'm not going to go into how I'm handling this. I know 99% of you don't understand what this means to me, why I have such an issue with my last c-section, why I'm probably going to have to look for a support group when this is all said and done....so instead I'm going to focus on the positive...

• Phoebe will come out looking cuter than the vaginally-delivered babies. She'll be the one that looks like a toddler without a squished head!
  

• I get to have a catheter in for a couple days. When you spend several months seemingly peeing every hour, having that sensation taken away for a couple days is pure heaven. The most I worried about last time was that the pee bag was hidden when visitors came. I can handle that. Sign me up.

• I might get to stay an extra day in the hospital (as compared to a natural birth). Last time, I did everything I could to get out a day early even though I had a "complicated" c-section. This time, I'm treating this as a mini vay-kay away from my household chores, sick kitty, recent insomnia-stricken toddler, etc.

• I get to plan ahead for my departure. I'll be able to leave here Friday morning knowing that the laundry is done, the kitchen is stocked, everything is "clean," and Raina is in good hands.

• I get to wear Depends. I probably lost all of you on this one, but I'm going out on a limb here and admitting that I enjoy Depends. They're quite comfy...definitely better than what the hospital sends you home with!

There's more, I'm sure, but it's past 9 and I'm sure the DVR has accumulated some good trash TV that will help me through the numbing/disassociation process that I'm trying to put the finishing touches on before Friday comes.

Before I go, though, I have a couple shout-outs...

Thank you to all of you, family/friends/facebook peeps/blog lurkers. I haven't had a single person tell me to just suck it up, throw away my dreams, and just do what the docs tell me to. You might have wanted to say it...but you didn't...you just "listened" and encouraged, and for that I thank you.

Thanks to my hubby for putting up with me...for admitting that he doesn't "get it" but fighting alongside me 100% for every scary thing I've wanted regardless of how he might have felt. Let's also don't forget dealing with my moodiness, exhaustion, out-of-control appetite, elephant ass, etc.

Finally, thanks to my doula(s). Though I won't get to use them to the extent that I had hoped, had it not been for them and the effort they made to speak on my behalf, I would not have ended up with my midwife, a man who has supported my wishes completely, who has taken me to 2 full weeks past my due date (more than any OB would have ever let me go) all in the name of helping me get the birth experience I want. Thank you, ladies, for all your support. You two "get it." :)

Don't know if I'll be back before Friday.

If you're lucky, I'll have a laptop at the hospital :)

My family's last weekend as a 3-some

Despite the rain, we decided to take Raina for her first trip on the incline. She had a great time. All the puddles were a bonus for her :)

And this next one shows why I have to laugh when people tell me to "Just take it easy!" Yah. Tell her that! To translate the Raina-ese, she's starts off with "Go crazy!" and then moves to "We did it!" I swear, you'd think these past couple weeks that we've been spiking her milk with Red Bull.

As for me, I'm 9 days overdue. I have 2 doc appts tomorrow...the first is for a biophysical profile, which is basically an ultrasound that'll check to make sure Phoebe is doing okay; the second is with my midwife. If my cervix is at all open, he'll sweep my membranes. I wish I could say I'm optimistic, but I'm just not. Maybe it's a defense mechanism...ya know, not wanting to get my hopes up...but with each passing day, I'm losing hope that things are going to go anywhere near the way I had hoped. As it stands now, if I don't go into labor on my own this week, I'll be admitted to the hospital late Friday/early Saturday to be very slowly induced.

Not only do I look forward to meeting Phoebe no matter how she makes her way out, I also very much look forward to not having to hear "Today would be a good day to have that baby," "Haven't you had that baby yet?", and one of my favorites "What are you waiting for?!?" Oh, and people, really, I don't need to hear about how big I am. I don't know that there's a single woman in existence who gets all warm and fuzzy when she's called huge. I'm ashamed to admit that I said something similar to a friend when she was pregnant (this was before I had ever been pregnant)...I wish I had stopped to think before I spoke. Try to remember this the next time a whale of a pregnant woman is in your presence...she knows she's a whale...she doesn't need you to point out the obvious!!! Instead, tell her she looks great, even if it's a lie.

Long and interesting week ahead. Feel free to drop by and cook me dinner or clean out the litter box or entertain the 2-y-o. :) No, really, please do!

Obviously my husband's fault

I am an early person. You tell me to be somewhere at 3 p.m., I'll be there at 2:45. Okay, I guess I should edit that a little by saying that I used to be like that before the kid came into the picture. Now I'll be there at 2:59 but still early.

I am officially 5 days late with having this baby. Five days...120 hours...7200 minutes...I'll stop there 'cause it seems like the more I do the math, the less impressive it gets.

I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been asked "Have you had the baby yet?" In fact, while sitting on a bench yesterday at the zoo, a woman pushing a stroller stopped in front of me and said "Oh my God, you haven't had that baby yet?!?" I met this woman last week at an indoor playground when at the time she asked me when I was due and I was able to say "Tomorrow." The hubby tells me almost every night that "Tonight would be a good night to go into labor." Ummm, don't you think I feel the same way, too?!? As much as I want to, I have no control over this!!! And believe me, I'm doing all sorts of extra home remedy-type stuff to try to speed this along...but ultimately I believe that it'll happen when it happens.

I just hope it happens before the 19th 'cause that's the maximum amount of time that my midwife is giving me. That will be at 2 weeks late. At that point, we're looking at an induction (and honestly, at that point I'll be mentally preparing myself for another c-section).

Last night I went to the mall to look for a place to get a pedicure. A woman, a complete stranger mind you, came up to me and said "You're having a girl, right?" I said "Yah, how'd you know?" She laughed, pointed at my belly, and said "Well, by how you look!" Sigh. Whatever. This was already after noticing the way people were staring at me and giving me way more passing room than I needed. I'm amazed people haven't asked me how many I'm having. I know a woman who recently had twins, and I'm way bigger than she ever got! (Don't even bother arguing, Melanie, 'cause I'm totally right :) A couple weeks ago, while at Giant Eagle getting a few groceries, I had 2 woman ask me if I needed help with carrying my basket...a basket that wasn't even full! On one hand it's like "Gee, that's so nice" and on the other hand I'm like "What the hell?!?"

Long story short, tonight would be a good night to go into labor.