Especially when it comes to finding a purpose in life. I'm not talking about anything deep and metaphysical. Just a job. Something other than mom stuff.
In less than 3 months I start teaching again. Don't even get me started on how completely and utterly unprepared I am for that. I should be getting in shape, losing 30 pounds, and coming up with material for 4 classes. I'm not, mostly 'cause of the whole self-doubt thing, which is totally stupid, I know, 'cause at least this teaching stuff is something I've done before. I should know that I can do it. There are even people out there who tell me I'm somewhat okay at it, so that should make it easier. *sigh* I'll get it together, I will. I'll start tomorrow. Ha.
Now, however, there's talk of me doing something else, too. Cake stuff.
I love decorating cakes. Around a year ago, I went to a wedding and had the fortune of sitting at a table with a woman who just happened to have pics of her cakes with her. She's a teacher and decorates cakes on the side. She passed her pics around, and we got to talking about her hobby. A couple months later, I enrolled in a short and simple cake class at JoAnn's and since then have had the opportunity to make a few cakes for friends. I love it. It's my escape. It's my time to tune out the loud children, the messy house, the mounds of dirty laundry, and just focus on making something pretty or whimsical.
At the urging of some friends, I am venturing into "business" territory. I am getting to the point where my very limited number of friends are running out of cake occasions. Come mid-December, I have nothing on my cake calendar. So sad. To that end, I am making business cards. I am also the proud (and hesitant) owner of cakemomster.com. Cake Momster. That's me.
Ugh.
The whole process is scary. And really, like I have the time for this? For business cards and website design?!? And then comes the self-doubt. Can I even do this??? Ugh.
All that being said, I might as well show off my latest creation, a Toy Story cake for Raina's friend, Wynnie, who turned the big 3 this weekend. Other than the TS characters, everything is edible.
All I see are the imperfections. I SOOOO wish I had the money and time to make 2 or 3 practice cakes for each project. I learn so much the first time around, so many things I'd do differently. Oh well.
I dunno. Are there people out there who want this kind of thing? And more importantly, will they want me to do it?
I hope so. But then again, I kinda hope not.
Self-doubt sucks.
